Ready? Or not.

I wish I had the motivation to do what it takes to lose this weight. The good thing is I am not disgusted at myself or the way I look. I see myself in the mirror and I think, "Not my best, but not my worst and I'm okay with that." However, it's how I feel - sluggish, tired, and some-what depressed when it's time to get dressed since my clothes just don't fit right and I'm not comfortable in them. The hubby says I just need to decide to take charge, decide to exercise and just do it already, but I'm so used to having some motivation.

It's friggin' cold here but I think I'm going to go for a run this morning. I love running and I miss it so much. And I have a new fear of not losing the weight - getting pregnant before I do. That really terrifies me. Both of my pregnancies started with me fit, healthy, and not only did not I gain much during them, but my body snapped right back. To get pregnant where I am right now would make me so upset and to not be able to do anything about it for nine months? Yuck.

I hate doing "diets" and try to aspire to the mentality of healthy eating, but I think to get me jump started I am going to do South Beach. I've done that twice in my life with great results that I could stick with (until I got pregnant) and I love the way I feel on it. Not to mention those first two weeks you can pound out some serious water weight. All I know is I have zero excuses anymore. My baby is sleeping great at night (so I'm not as exhausted during the day), my husband is super supportive in making time in his schedule to watch the kids, I have a Y membership where there is also childcare, and I'm ready to make some physical changes. I've gone through a lot of healing over the last year and I'm ready for the outside to match the inside.

So in an hour when day breaks, I will put my running shoes on and hit the pavement. And pretend to not notice that it's 28 degrees outside.